FEAR

I think FEAR has been keeping me from posting.

I was really making awesome progress with my running. The Hanson training plan was working. I was running more miles than I ever had before. I had my biggest month ever with 138 miles.

And then we discovered that our treadmill was broken. Specifically the deck was broken…cracked, but not all the way through. So what did I do? I kept running on it. My calves ached. My shins started getting nagging little pains in them. And then my left foot started hurting. It felt like I had rolled my ankle, except I don’t remember doing it.

Except I did. When you run on a broken treadmill deck for almost a month, you essentially roll your ankle slowly over time.

I took two weeks off. I was afraid to post that I was injured yet again. I did yoga. I stretched all the things. I did every PT exercise I could find. I retired both pairs of active running shoes and got new ones.

And the pains subsided. Running became good again. Easy again. And yet the FEAR morphed into something else.

Did I miss too much training? Can I still break 2? We are about four weeks out from race day. I had my first tempo run in almost a month this morning that felt good, but the paces weren’t quite where they need to be.

FEAR. I want to break 2 so badly. I’ve ever said out loud that I might take a break from half marathons if and when I break 2. Fear of letting myself down. Fear that I’m doing the wrong thing, making my body do something it’s not ready for.