This morning I woke up. I stumbled into the kitchen and made coffee. Caribou…her favorite. I took a deep breath. I can’t smell coffee without thinking about her.

I watched the sunrise on this beautiful partly cloudy Kansas day. I didn’t take a picture. I tried to ignore the catch in my throat when I regretted not taking a picture.

I got dressed. I put on my purple Oiselle Story shirt. She loved Oiselle. She loved being a mother runner. I paired the shirt with Old Navy boyfriend jeans…she lived in them. I bought my first pair after she was gone.

I drove to my hand appointment and listened to Brad Paisley’s “When I Get Where I’m Going.” She played it for us in her hospital room on the last good day. When I miss her, I listen to it. I listen to it a lot.

3 months without her voice. Without her smile. Without her. I miss her. But I’m surviving. I’m living for her because she would expect nothing less.

I love you, Mama.